I will never ever be ready for this chapter, no matter how many times I read this book.
The dead lay in a row in the middle of the Hall. Harry could not see Fred’s body, because his family surrounded him. George was kneeling at his head….
For the longest time, I was so incredibly angry that Fred died without George by his side. It’s so unfair and awful. Then one of my friends said that it’s probably a good thing that Jo didn’t try to write it that way, because how can a person who’s not a twin accurately describe the grief of someone losing their twin brother in such a horrific way? It’s still unfair and awful, but I’m less angry about it now.
…Harry had a clear view of the bodies lying next to Fred: Remus and Tonks, pale and still and peaceful-looking, apparently asleep beneath the dark, enchanted ceiling.
I’m still angry about Remus and Tonks’ off-page deaths, though. I’m glad that it seems like we’ll get to see them in the movie because those two, they deserve to be shown going out like heroes.
He could not bear to look at any of the other bodies, to see who else had died for him. He could not bear to join the Weasleys, could not look into their eyes, when if he had given himself up in the first place, Fred might never have died.
Ugh, the heartbreaking thing is that none of the Weasleys would ever blame him at all, and really, I can’t imagine there was another, better way in which Fred wanted to leave the world, but this is all just Harry’s own guilt, which is completely understandable but still so sad.
“Dumbledore!” said Harry without thinking, because it was he whom he yearned to see, and to his surprise the gargoyle slid aside, revealing the spiral staircase behind.
TUMBLR. SNAPE MADE HIS PASSWORD “DUMBLEDORE.”
To escape into someone else’s head would be a blessed relief….Nothing that even Snape had left him could be worse than his own thoughts.
Oh, Harry, you don’t even know.
Lily waited until Petunia was near enough to have a clear view, then held out her palm. The flower sat there, opening and closing its petals, like some bizarre, many-lipped oyster.
“Stop it!” shrieked Petunia.
“It’s not hurting you,” said Lily, but she closed her hand on the blossom and threw it back to the ground.
It’s so upsetting to see how much Lily clearly loves Petunia, and how close they used to be, knowing what they become later.
“Haven’t been spying,” said Snape, hot and uncomfortable and dirty-haired in the bright sunlight. “Wouldn’t spy on you, anyway,” he added spitefully, “you’re a Muggle.”
To be fair, the only Muggle he knows closely at all is his father, who seems to be abusive and all around a terrible person. His dislike for Muggles is understandable at this point and his viewpoints had such potential to change with the right influences, but then he went to Hogwarts and everything went to shit.
…and Harry, the only one left to observe him, recognized Snape’s bitter disappointment, and understood that Snape had been planning this moment for a while, and that it had gone all wrong….
Holy fuck, can I relate to this sort of thing. My level of social awkwardness and genuine social anxiety seems to be increasing every day. I feel so bad for Snape in this particular moment especially.
A little smile twisted Snape’s mouth when she said his name.
“Tell me about the dementors again.”
“What d’you want to know about them for?”
“If I use magic outside school—”
“They wouldn’t give you to the dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban. You’re not going to end up in Azkaban, you’re too—”
He turned red again and shredded more leaves. Then a small rustling noise behind Harry made him turn: Petunia, hiding behind a tree, had lost her footing.
UGGGGH remember that time in OotP when Petunia said she’d heard Lily and “that horrible boy” talking about dementors and we all thought it was James BUT IT TURNS OUT IT WAS SNAPE UGH UGH UGH.
“You didn’t think it was such a freak’s school when you wrote to the headmaster and begged him to take you.”
Petunia turned scarlet.
“Beg? I didn’t beg!”
“I saw his reply. It was very kind.”
What I wouldn’t give to read Dumbledore’s reply to Petunia’s letter. I cannot even begin to imagine what he could have said.
“You’d better be in Slytherin,” said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little.
One of the boys sharing the compartment, who had shown no interest at all in Lily or Snape until that point, looked around at the word, and Harry, whose attention had been focused entirely on the two beside the window, saw his father: slight, black-haired like Snape, but with that indefinable air of having been well-cared for, even adored, that Snape so conspicuously lacked.
Good god, so many of these guys going to Hogwarts with Lily are just total dickwads. James wasn’t even paying attention to Snape and Lily until he heard Snape say “Slytherin” and then it was instant bullying. “Obnoxious” doesn’t even begin to describe that.
James roared with laughter. Lily sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sirius in dislike.
“Come on, Severus, let’s find another compartment.”
James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip Snape as he passed.
“See ya, Snivellus!” a voice called, as the compartment door slammed.
See? James and Sirius were against Snape from the start for no fucking reason. Sirius can say it’s because Snape was “up to his eyes in Dark Magic” when he arrived at Hogwarts but there’s no indication of that whatsoever. I would’ve hated Sirius and James, too.
“He’s ill,” said Lily. “They say he’s ill—”
“Every month at the full moon?” said Snape.
“I know your theory,” said Lily, and she sounded cold.
I personally have always believed that Lily knew that Remus was a werewolf for awhile, because she’s smart and would’ve put it together easily, but she just feels like it isn’t anyone’s business. There’s no real reason why I believe that. I just think her shutting down Snape’s theory so quickly has more to it than just being tired of hearing it.
“You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends’ too! You’re not going to—I won’t let you—”
“Let me? Let me?”
Lily’s bright green eyes were slits.
Oh, Lily Evans, you are a woman after my own heart.
“I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.”
“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just—”
“Slipped out?” There was no pity in Lily’s voice. “It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years.”
Firstly, Snape was prepared to sleep outside the Gryffindor Common Room in order to apologize to Lily, wow. Secondly, as sad as the entire situation is, I really do not blame Lily at all or pity Snape either. There comes a point when you can’t blame your mistakes on your upbringing or the way you’re treated at school, when you are responsible for your own choices and your own words, and Snape has crossed that point, and this is on him.
“No—listen, I didn’t mean—”
“—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?”
Once upon a time, way back in high school, one of my guy friends had a crush on my best girl friend at the time, and she used to tell me how uncomfortable it made her that he would treat her differently, that he was more of a gentleman around her and more considerate of her than other people. This scene always reminds me of that. Why should Lily or my friend receive special treatment while the guys who like them treat everyone else more or less like crap?
“Hide them all, then” he croaked. “Keep her—them—safe. Please.”
“And what will you give me in return, Severus?”
“In—in return?” Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, “Anything.”
…something was making a terrible sound, like a wounded animal. Snape was slumped forward in a chair and Dumbledore was standing over him, looking grim. After a moment or two, Snape raised his face, and he looked like a man who had lived a hundred years of misery since leaving the wild hilltop.
“I thought…you were going…to keep her…safe….”
LIKE A WOUNDED ANIMAL.
At last he said, “Very well. Very well. But never—never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear…especially Potter’s son…I want your word!”
“My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?”
How often do you think it just killed Dumbledore to have to keep this terrible promise? I mean, shit.
“Karkaroff intends to flee if the Mark burns.”
“Does he?” said Dumbledore softly, as Fleur Delacour and Roger Davis came giggling in from the grounds. “And are you tempted to join him?”
“No,” said Snape, his black eyes on Fleur’s and Roger’s retreating figures. “I am not such a coward.”
“No,” agreed Dumbledore. “You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon….”
He walked away, leaving Snape looking stricken.
AUGH THIS GETS ME EVERY TIME. THEY SORT TOO SOON.
Snape raised his eyebrows and his tone was sardonic as he asked, “Are you intending to let him kill you?”
“Certainly not. You must kill me.”
There was a long silence, broken only by an odd clicking noise. Fawkes the phoenix was gnawing a bit of cuttlebone.
“Would you like me to do it now?” asked Snape, his voice heavy with irony. “Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?”
I hope to high heaven they keep this in the movie because this is one of my favorite things Snape says in the entire series.
“The boy’s soul is not yet so damaged,” said Dumbledore. “I would not have it ripped apart on my account.”
“And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?”
AND MY SOUL, DUMBLEDORE? MINE?
“So the boy…the boy must die?” asked Snape quite calmly.
“And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential.”
Another long silence. Then Snape said, “I thought…all these years…that we were protecting him for her. For Lily.”
“We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength,” said Dumbledore, his eyes still tight shut. “Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth: Sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will truly mean the end of Voldemort.”
Dumbledore opened his eyes. Snape looked horrified.
“You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?”
I got a chill when I heard Snape say this in the trailer for the new movie. I shall be bringing a large box of tissues for my tears.
“Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter—”
“But this is touching, Severus,” said Dumbledore seriously. “Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?”
“For him?” shouted Snape. “Expecto Patronum!”
From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soured out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.
A Death Eater moved ahead of Snape and raised his wand, pointing it directly at Lupin’s back—
“Sectumsempra!” shouted Snape.
How awesome is it that Snape was trying to protect Remus? I love that.
And next, Snape was kneeling in Sirius’s old bedroom. Tears were dripping from the end of his hooked nose as he read the old letter from Lily. The second page carried only a few words:
could never have been friends with Gellert Grindelwald. I think her mind’s going, personally!
Lots of love, Lily
Snape took the page bearing Lily’s signature, and her love, and tucked it inside his robes.
“Headmaster! They are camping in the Forest of Dean! The Mudblood—”
“Do not use that word!”
“—the Granger girl, then, mentioned the place as she opened her bag and I heard her!”
GOD, SNAPE DOESN’T EVEN LET A PAINTING USE THE WORD “MUDBLOOD” IN FRONT OF HIM OH MY GOD.
Number of Times I Teared Up During This Chapter: 12 Number of Post-It Flags Used During This Chapter: 28
People are always talking about how it would suck to be sorted into Hufflepuff but they don’t realize if you didn’t want to get sorted into it you wouldn’t have been. And of course we want to get sorted into Hufflepuff, we get first pick on all snacks.
Everyone in Hufflepuff is there by choice. We’re all bamfs, we value friendship, are amazing finders, and have you seen our mascot? That shit eats snakes! We may be friendly and accepting but we’re anything but pushovers. <.<
I may not be a hufflepuff, but I’m smart enough to know not to mess with a house who has the honey badger as a mascot. Those things are fierce.